Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
