dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
