I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
