it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
