I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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