You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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