he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
