About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
