I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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