lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
