Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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