Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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