She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
