Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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