He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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