So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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