someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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