I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you.
Bad choice
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