pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
