i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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