my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
