the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
