im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Alive.
So much puke
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
