well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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