I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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