This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
