If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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