Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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