I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
