i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
tell me about the eggs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
