You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
