he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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