he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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