we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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