can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
