i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
