i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
cat food counts as protein by the way
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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