Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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