i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
