Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
