i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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