ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
