It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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