How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
