O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
