Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
