It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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