I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
