Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
don't judge my taste in strippers
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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