time to smoke my breakfast
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
